Monkey See, Monkey Do – Why Showing by Example Is the Best Way to Teach Little Ones
Anyone who’s spent time with babies or toddlers knows they’re like tiny, adorable sponges. They soak up everything. And I mean everything. It could be your quirky laugh, how you butter your toast, or even the words you mutter under your breath when you stub your toe (yep, that one too)—they’re watching and learning from you, even when you don’t realise it.
That’s why, when it comes to teaching little ones how to navigate the world—whether it’s manners, meal times, tidying up, or talking politely—showing by example is not only the easiest method, it’s also hands-down the most effective.
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Actions Speak Louder Than Words
You can say “use your manners” a hundred times a day, but if you’re not using them yourself, the message isn’t really going to sink in. Toddlers don’t learn well through lectures (and let’s face it, neither do adults). What really gets through is what they see you do.
When they hear you say “please” and “thank you” regularly—to them, to your partner, to the person delivering your groceries—they start to see that as the norm. It’s not just a rule you’re imposing on them; it’s just how people talk. And since kids are wired to copy the adults around them, they’ll naturally start to follow suit.
Mealtimes – Messy Moments, Teachable Moments
Now, let’s talk about food. Meal times with toddlers can be chaotic—spoons flying, yoghurt on the walls, and somehow mashed potato in their hair. But it’s also a brilliant opportunity to lead by example.
When they see you eating calmly, using a fork, chewing with your mouth closed, and wiping your hands on a napkin rather than your pants, they begin to understand how to behave at the table. Sure, they might not get it right immediately—there’ll still be spaghetti flung across the room from time to time—but the consistency of seeing those behaviours modelled goes a long way.
Instead of barking orders like “Don’t play with your food!” or “Sit still!”, just demonstrate what you do want. Sit down with them, enjoy your food, and show them what a calm, happy mealtime looks like. It won’t be perfect, and they may not get it the first few times, but over time, they’ll pick it up as they get to watch you at the table.
Tidying Up Isn’t a Chore—It’s a Skill That Instills Responsibility
Cleaning up is another classic battleground. Most toddlers don’t come out of the womb with an innate desire to put their toys away—who knew? But if every time they finish playing, you say, “Okay, let’s pack up now,” and then do it with them, it starts becoming part of the routine.
If they see you folding blankets, popping toys back into baskets, and wiping down surfaces with a cheerful attitude (or at least not sighing dramatically while you do it), they’ll begin to mirror that. It becomes less of a “thing they’re forced to do” and more just “what we do when we’re finished playing.”
Even better, involve them in the process early on. Say things like, “I’m putting the blocks back in the tub—do you want to help me find all the red ones?” You’re not just teaching them to clean—you’re teaching them to care for their space. That’s a big life skill right there, and it all starts with what you do.
Speak Nicely and They Will Too
Toddlers are notorious for their bluntness. They’ll shout, whinge, demand—sometimes all before you’ve had your first cuppa. But here’s the thing, they’re not being rude on purpose. They’re learning how to communicate. And a huge part of that is learned by listening to you.
If you speak to them kindly—even when they’re having a meltdown—they’ll begin to understand that words can be used to express big feelings without shouting. When they hear you resolve a disagreement with calm words instead of yelling, or apologise when you’ve made a mistake, it shows them how to handle tricky situations in a respectful way.
Let them calm down first before you begin talking to them. If they are crying, let them cry sitting on your lap as you hold them close. Stay neutral until they are ready to listen.
And yes, this is hard sometimes. We’re all human, and no one’s patient all the time. But even in those “not-so-proud” moments, you’ve still got an opportunity to model something important. If you snap and then later say, “I’m sorry I yelled before—I was feeling frustrated. I should not behave that way.” you’re showing them it’s okay to make mistakes, learn never to repeat them, and how to take responsibility. That’s powerful stuff.
Why It Works
So why is modelling behaviour so effective for young kids? It comes down to the way their brains are wired. Before they have the language skills to understand complex explanations, they’re already experts at imitation. It’s how they learn to clap, walk, talk, and yes—how to behave in the world.
Babies and toddlers rely heavily on non-verbal cues. They pay attention to tone of voice, body language, and facial expressions. When they see CONSISTENT patterns of behaviour from their carers, it helps them make sense of what’s expected.
Important Tip Do NOT expect them to learn overnight. Depending on the child, it takes times for their little minds to understand HOW to mimic what you are doing. If they seem to struggle, give them a little encouragement in the beginning, like guiding their hand with picking up at least 3-4 toys with a deliberate motion. Then continue picking the toys on your own where they can see you.
Practicing patience is a luxury when you’re a busy parent (and more if you are a single parent), but it’s the first gift you can give your child so good values and can be instilled in them for a lifetime, rather than taught forcefully later on. The more patiently and deliberately you guide your little one with your own behaviour, the less drama and distance there will be between you when they become teens.
And let’s be honest, it also helps reduce power struggles. Instead of constantly telling them what not to do, you’re simply showing them what to do. It’s less stressful for you, and less confusing for them. If all adults and older kids at home can understand the impact, and cooperate, it’s a Win-win.
Raising little humans is a big job, and no one’s going to get it right all the time. But the more we focus on leading by example, the more we give our kids a strong foundation to build on. When it come to eating neatly, keeping their room tidy, or saying “thank you” when you pass the milk, those everyday moments add up.
The next time you wonder if your toddler’s actually noticing all the effort you’re putting in—trust that they are. They’re watching, learning, copying. One “please” at a time.
After all, little eyes are always watching—and little feet are always following.
